We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
