Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
