oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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