If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
