since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
