Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
