i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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