seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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