i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
