R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just had sex bonerless
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
