In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
