is your mom at the bar?
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
