I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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