used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
