I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
