And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
