i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
