so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
