dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
