he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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