thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
