i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
