My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think i have herpe
just one?
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
