Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
