good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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