My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
