And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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