theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
