During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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