Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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