With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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