You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
