grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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