grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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