If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
