we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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