UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just pee around me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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