I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We were destined to go to rehab together
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
