this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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