u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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