I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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