wanna go halves on a baby?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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