That's intense
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
