whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
