He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
