Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
