I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
