the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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