finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
