i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
