is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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