my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
