The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
