So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
