Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
