I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
