i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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